10 reasons I don't have a Facebook

I am becoming more and more aware that I am part of a distinct minority among people of my generation. That's right, I'm a Facebook resister.

As the members of said resistance grow fewer and fewer, though, people seem increasingly quick to mistake my refusal to make myself a Facebook page for a generalized hostility toward the Facebook phenomenon itself (or towards its members). However, I intend no such hostility. In fact, I even have a link here on my blog that lets people share it on Facebook! Many of my friends are devoted Facebookers, and I don't even taunt them (too much) for it!

So just to set the record straight, I thought I would take a brief moment of my day to explain the real reasons why I do not now maintain, nor do I ever expect in the future to possess, a Facebook. Note that this is not necessarily an exhaustive list, but it should cover most of the important issues as I see them. I also don't claim any of this as fact, just my own opinion. If you think I'm wrong, let me know! I'd be really happy if all this did was spur thought and discussion on the issue. So, I'll count down the top ten reasons I don't have Facebook, from least important to most important. Here we go:


10. My mom has a Facebook. Mom, if you're reading this, I love you and I mean no offense by it. It's just that your membership is a.) the reason I know so much about Facebook without actually having one, and b.) a great example of a larger trend I'm getting at. Namely, I feel that Facebook has become something my generation never intended it to be. Originally, it was just a cool way to keep in touch and share pictures (which are, by the way, the only things I'd use Facebook for if I had one and are undeniably useful and beneficial) among college students and other young adults. Then high-schoolers started joining. Then parents came to check on them. All of a sudden, they were also commenting on pictures and writing cheesy status messages. Before anyone could say "1950's," it seemed like the whole baby boomer generation had Facebook. End result: Facebook just isn't as cool anymore, and has much less of a draw for me.

9. Little kids have Facebook. Like, really little. This is kind of a corollary to #10, and it's disturbing for all of the same reasons, with the added twist that a lot of things happen on Facebook that really are not appropriate for little kids to be hearing and thinking about. Now, I don't think I'd have anything to hide, but I have some friends with significantly different standards of morality than my own and I'd hate to have to shelter kids that might look at my page from them. I love hanging out with little kids, but they certainly aren't my friends in the same way. Why do they have to grow up so fast?

8. I have no real desire for up-to-the-minute status updates on my friends. In fact, this whole thing kind of freaks me out. Except for my very closest friends (who I talk to plenty without Facebook's intervention), I'm not even interested in what people are doing or feeling moment by moment. Even for my close friends, there are still many things I don't need to know. That might sound horribly mercenary, but if you really think about it, I imagine the same is true for you. Sure, taking in a lot of banal information about what people are doing might make you feel like you care about them, but in essence it's just voyeurism.

7. I have even less desire to give constant status updates on myself. If you know me well at all, you probably realize that I usually play things pretty close to the vest and often prefer to keep my opinions and plans to myself. Now, this has been a problem for me in some ways, since I haven't always let people in to what the real me is like. I'm working on it. The thing is, Facebook is a really bad solution to that problem, because trivial status updates are in no way the same thing as being truly real with people. I suppose status updates could be used for good purposes (for example, my pastor has Facebook, and some of his that I've seen are challenging and personal), but this is certainly the exception rather than the rule and I doubt I'd be any better. In any case, I'd rather apply my efforts to real life, or to this blog. I like talking about big issues and hard topics, and I don't hear very much about that happening on Facebook, whereas my blog already provides me with a great space for this kind of thought. Also, I feel like most anything really true or profound on Facebook is just quickly drowned in the sea of immaturity. That's why I chose to keep my blog separate in the first place.

6. I can get all the real benefits of Facebook without having one. For example, because all my friends have one, if any of them post anything truly remarkable or abnormally hilarious, one of the others is sure to tell me about it. Alternatively, because my mom is Facebook friends with most of my actual friends, she also keeps me updated and lets me use her account to look at their pictures sometimes. That wouldn't even be necessary though, since Facebook members are still able to email me the link to their albums, which I can then look at if their privacy settings aren't on some very restricted level. Also, I can use email to get in touch with all my friends at once if I so desire. This works because Facebook users often like checking their email to see how many "notifications" they have. It makes them feel important. And finally, if I feel the need to express myself or have a personal profile page, this blog can serve that purpose quite ably. So in psychological terms, I guess you couldn't say I have a "felt need" for Facebook.

5. Farmville. This one should really be pretty self-explanatory, but I can't resist moving past it without saying this: Farmville is a pestilence in the land. Whoever unleashed this monstrosity should be tied down and forced to listen to its theme music until he repents and erases it from the world of Facebook. It shouldn't take that long; the whole "song" is basically a 4-measure loop of horribly twangy sounds that could pretty much reduce anyone to insanity in a matter of hours. (Can you tell that a certain unnamed but aforementioned family member of mine enjoys this game?) On a more serious note, this particular app is also pretty exemplary of the general trend of immensely time-wasting applications on Facebook. This just seems to me to be the most obviously pointless example, but actually the combined force of all these apps produces a powerful life-consuming time vortex in a lot of people's lives (see my post on video games for more on this). I feel like Facebook would prove to be an unnecessary temptation for me in this regard.

4. People accept Facebook without thought. One of the most disturbing things about Facebook to me is that no one seems to question anymore that this is what social interaction in the 21st century should be like. It bothers me that no one is really thinking about what Facebook really is and whether or not they want one. Most people who sign up for it are just blindly following the trend because they crave friendship and interaction, and being heavily marketed to and media-saturated all the while. I'm not abstaining from Facebook just to be somehow cool by breaking the trend and not doing what everyone else is doing. I've thought about what it is and decided that I don't want it. I've been recognizing lately my need for real friendship, and I don't think I can meet that need on Facebook. Now, I doubt anyone else would say they could either, but they might be unaware of how the shallow interactions they constantly engage in are muffling their true desire for deep relationship, truly knowing and being known. Just something to think about.

3. I'm scared I'd get addicted to it. I realize, of course, that it is quite possible to have a Facebook and not be addicted to it. However, I've heard far too many stories of people who hate how much time they've spent on it and wish they had never started. I've also heard many more stories about people who don't even realize how addicted they are to it and how much power it has in their life, which is even scarier. In any case, I feel like I have much better things to do with my time. That's why for me personally, Facebook is scary because I tend to be a little bit obsessive about having things perfect and organized and also about collecting things. I don't feel like I could ever be satisfied with Facebook if I hadn't collected every single person I know as a "friend." I'd want all my settings and profile perfectly in order, and I'd probably want to be the best at all the games too. Again, video games and I have a storied history that I never want to go back to. So all in all, I feel like I could end up wasting enormous amounts of time and really forgetting about letting God make all my decisions (which is my goal), and I don't even want to open the door for that to happen.

2. It's too late. I've been a Facebook resister and a fairly vocal critic of it for so long now that I can never get one. I don't think I'd ever be able to live it down, and I'd feel really stupid for saying all those things and then getting one anyway. I think it's safe to say I've passed the point of no return on this one. I'm in this for the long haul :)

1. I don't want "Facebook friends." Honestly, this is my biggest beef with Facebook. I really feel like it promotes shallowness and superficiality as the solution to the much deeper problems of our generation. We don't need status updates, we don't need to know what Disney character we are most like, and we don't need to express our true personality through our "pieces of flair" (although some of them are legitimately hilarious, and joking around online is great fun). What we need is real friendship with real people. How else are we expecting to "spur one another on towards love and good deeds" (Hebrews 10:24) or help heal our broken city? To do those things, we're going to have to get face-to-face and side-by-side and be much realer with each other than computer screens allow. (And yes, bloggers need to watch out for superficiality too :) I'm trying my best to practice what I preach and use my blog mainly as a tool for sparking real-life discussion and interaction with my friends.)

Now, obviously we can't have deep, hugely significant relationships with all the people we cross paths with. Even Jesus had different circles of friends: the multitudes followed him, but he placed special importance on the 72 he sent out, and the 12 disciples were his inner circle. Even within that, Peter, James and John were his three really close friends. So, Facebook or not, I think that's the example we should try to emulate. You know what? It's ok to have shallower, "Facebook friend" relationships. We just need to know where our real friends are, and we need to be real and really present (physically and emotionally) in their lives, even though that's hard. You know what else? It's also ok to have less friends. I just feel like the effort to fill the "friends list" causes too many people to have a set of "friendships" a mile wide and an inch deep. That will never satisfy a generation, a city, a nation looking for real love. We need real brothers and sisters and parents, real friends. "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24). Can we learn to be that friend?