Well, I've been writing like a madman all week (and last... and next), so I want to keep this short. I just thought I would give an update to the small world of my blog on how I did with my New Year's "resolutions" last year. As you may (or more likely, may not) recall, last year around this time I wrote a post denouncing the idea of New Year's resolutions and then made two of them in that same post. It seems only fair, seeing that I shared them with the world, that I let everyone know how they went.
First, I resolved to drink more water. I think it's safe to say that I definitely did that, but it happened fairly intermittently and not as consistently as I would like. It did result in me buying a nice water bottle that makes me much more likely to drink water, so that's definitely a positive. I think what really happened is that, toward the end of last year, I got really overwhelmed and all these high-minded resolution type things I was thinking about just went right out the door. I'm doing pretty well with this one this year so far, though.
The second resolution was to be on time for things. Keep in mind that when I wrote that one, I was completely unemployed. It's amazing what wonders having somewhere you have to be on time to or get fired will do for your punctuality. It's nothing like college, that's for sure :) Anyway, I feel like I've come a long way in this area. There was a momentary setback when I moved and didn't know how long it was going to take me to get anywhere for awhile, but now I think I'm back on track. I really like how life feels a lot better when I'm not constantly running late!
Speaking of that... well, first of all, I had a good talk with some friends recently about goals for the New Year. I said how I don't like resolutions, but a friend of mine challenged me that living life without goals is really dangerous. I knew I had to agree with him, and it led to a discussion about goals vs. resolutions. In a resolution, people tend to just resolve to be different, which is what I bristled against last year. Goals are more like a plan for long-term growth. What I ended up doing last year, really, was setting some goals: by the end of the year, I want to be doing better in this area.
So, this year I'm setting a goal again. I want to stop procrastinating. This is huge for me, because I've been this way for a long time, but I really want to do things before the last minute at least some of the time. The reason I've been writing like a maniac this week is because I let this enormous period of time I had to work on the huge project I'm under contract for elapse without doing hardly any of it. The deadline is in a week and three days and I still have a long, long way to go. Needless to say, this is dramatically reducing my quality of life. Completely aside from the fact that all I have time to do is write, the whole thing is also very stressful, what with the possibility of failure, humiliation, and worst of all: not getting paid.
Mind you, I think I'm going to make it. I have a plan for making it. I will do everything in my power to make it. The point is just that it didn't have to be like this. Even a little bit less procrastination would have made this month a much more enjoyable one. That's how I want to live in the future.
And one step further: I don't think I can be the things God is calling me to be if I won't learn to work ahead of time and get the procrastination under control. I live on my own now. If I won't get the things done that need to happen in my life, no one will (unless my roommate bails me out somehow, but that's different). It's time to man up and live like I care about where I'm going. Maybe this deadline crunch is exactly what I needed. It could end up getting me on the right start for not just the new year but for the rest of, you know... life.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Christmas Traditions
A lot of my holiday traditions got disrupted this year. The simple fact that I live in a different place now was responsible for a lot of it, but there were also some other changes for a variety of reasons. For example, none of my Christmas ornaments got hung on any tree this year, probably for the first time since I was born. Well, actually that isn't quite true; my parents were trying to steal a few of them by hanging them on their tree while I was separating mine out of their boxes. I caught them :)
Anyhow, none of that is as important as what it all got me thinking about. The holidays seem to me to be the time of the year most governed by tradition. I mean, there are various traditional things throughout the year, but especially around Christmas there is this whole extra set of rules and practices that goes into effect. Presents, decorations, music, shopping, cards, and all kinds of other things that no one thinks that much about the rest of the year suddenly become the main focus of life (or at least it seems like that). Not that any of those things are bad (except maybe the music *shudder* that gets piped into stores like the one I work in constantly and makes me a little extra cynical-- not carols mind you, which are about Jesus, but just songs... meaningless, mindless, repetitive, and totally empty. This has been my bah humbug Christmas moment. We now return to the regularly scheduled blog [and sentence] already in progress), it's just that I feel like they all get done without any thought involved. This is what we're supposed to do now, so it has to be done.
I guess I just don't like it when Christmas becomes a to-do list. No wonder people are so stressed out and angry. There's a whole load of extra things they suddenly have to take time out of their busy lives to accomplish! What's worse, the whole process has (in many cases) been so completely divorced from the deeper meaning it was supposed to have that it has to leave many people scratching their heads as to why they run themselves into the ground trying to do it all. I mean, the only possible way you could find out the real meaning of all this stuff from our "Christmas culture" is if you happen to listen to Linus in the Charlie Brown Christmas special-- which by some miracle, seeing as how it contains essentially the gospel message straight out of Luke, is still aired on secular tv every Christmas.
I'm going to stop right there before I start ranting about how secular culture is ruining Christmas by looking for it in all the wrong places. I did that last Christmas (and it can be found in the archives of this very blog). What I want to do instead is just ask the question that has been on my mind.
What if we could just throw the Christmas to-do list away?
Perhaps better stated, what if we should just throw the Christmas to-do list away? Would we be able to do it? Would we want to? What if we really spent Christmas asking Christ how he wanted us to celebrate it? What would he say? Are we afraid of what he might say, so afraid that we won't even dare to ask? How would it feel to be the only one in your family to be stemming the onrushing tide of tradition?
I guess that was more than one question. I didn't realize how much was in that thought until I was writing it, but it's all what I've been thinking about. And really, please do not hear me saying that tradition is somehow evil. I think it often has great value, and Jesus himself instituted some traditions, most notably the sacrament of communion. Speaking of communion, it seems like community and fellowship were things that Jesus cared about a lot more than material possessions. Perhaps his answers to the questions of how we should spend Christmas would be along those lines?
Anyway, tradition isn't bad, but it is made for us, not us for the tradition. All too often, I think, tradition becomes little more than a euphemism for blindly doing what we always have and an excuse for not involving Jesus in our decision-making processes. All I know is, I did Christmas again this year. Very little of it did I ask God about; some parts of it I liked, some I didn't. I know it would be extremely hard for me to give up presents if God asked me to do that. I just want to know that I would do it, and to be honest I can't say for sure. I'd give up the music in a heartbeat, I know that much. But what if I just put the whole process in his control?
Above all, I just want to be close enough to the heart of God to hear how he wants me to spend my time and money. I hate the idea of doing things for no reason. I want God to put on my heart the gifts to bring, just like he did for the wise men so long ago. I don't know what (if anything) he would have me change in my Christmas traditions for next year. I just hope I listen.
Anyhow, none of that is as important as what it all got me thinking about. The holidays seem to me to be the time of the year most governed by tradition. I mean, there are various traditional things throughout the year, but especially around Christmas there is this whole extra set of rules and practices that goes into effect. Presents, decorations, music, shopping, cards, and all kinds of other things that no one thinks that much about the rest of the year suddenly become the main focus of life (or at least it seems like that). Not that any of those things are bad (except maybe the music *shudder* that gets piped into stores like the one I work in constantly and makes me a little extra cynical-- not carols mind you, which are about Jesus, but just songs... meaningless, mindless, repetitive, and totally empty. This has been my bah humbug Christmas moment. We now return to the regularly scheduled blog [and sentence] already in progress), it's just that I feel like they all get done without any thought involved. This is what we're supposed to do now, so it has to be done.
I guess I just don't like it when Christmas becomes a to-do list. No wonder people are so stressed out and angry. There's a whole load of extra things they suddenly have to take time out of their busy lives to accomplish! What's worse, the whole process has (in many cases) been so completely divorced from the deeper meaning it was supposed to have that it has to leave many people scratching their heads as to why they run themselves into the ground trying to do it all. I mean, the only possible way you could find out the real meaning of all this stuff from our "Christmas culture" is if you happen to listen to Linus in the Charlie Brown Christmas special-- which by some miracle, seeing as how it contains essentially the gospel message straight out of Luke, is still aired on secular tv every Christmas.
I'm going to stop right there before I start ranting about how secular culture is ruining Christmas by looking for it in all the wrong places. I did that last Christmas (and it can be found in the archives of this very blog). What I want to do instead is just ask the question that has been on my mind.
What if we could just throw the Christmas to-do list away?
Perhaps better stated, what if we should just throw the Christmas to-do list away? Would we be able to do it? Would we want to? What if we really spent Christmas asking Christ how he wanted us to celebrate it? What would he say? Are we afraid of what he might say, so afraid that we won't even dare to ask? How would it feel to be the only one in your family to be stemming the onrushing tide of tradition?
I guess that was more than one question. I didn't realize how much was in that thought until I was writing it, but it's all what I've been thinking about. And really, please do not hear me saying that tradition is somehow evil. I think it often has great value, and Jesus himself instituted some traditions, most notably the sacrament of communion. Speaking of communion, it seems like community and fellowship were things that Jesus cared about a lot more than material possessions. Perhaps his answers to the questions of how we should spend Christmas would be along those lines?
Anyway, tradition isn't bad, but it is made for us, not us for the tradition. All too often, I think, tradition becomes little more than a euphemism for blindly doing what we always have and an excuse for not involving Jesus in our decision-making processes. All I know is, I did Christmas again this year. Very little of it did I ask God about; some parts of it I liked, some I didn't. I know it would be extremely hard for me to give up presents if God asked me to do that. I just want to know that I would do it, and to be honest I can't say for sure. I'd give up the music in a heartbeat, I know that much. But what if I just put the whole process in his control?
Above all, I just want to be close enough to the heart of God to hear how he wants me to spend my time and money. I hate the idea of doing things for no reason. I want God to put on my heart the gifts to bring, just like he did for the wise men so long ago. I don't know what (if anything) he would have me change in my Christmas traditions for next year. I just hope I listen.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Moving
As I mentioned last time, this is a season of many new things for me as I move out of my parents' house for the first (and hopefully only) time. Well, it really did (after some unforeseen delays) happen, and the dust is just now beginning to settle a bit. There are countless things that could be said about this whole process and all it entails, so I really can't let it go by without blogging about it at least once. Besides, it's really the main thing that's been happening in my life and my heart recently, so I can't imagine writing about anything else right now anyway. What follows is a sampling of my thoughts from the past few weeks. If it seems a bit random or chaotic, then it mirrors exactly the process of moving in general, at least to me.
This may seem self-evident, but one of the biggest things about moving is all the movement it causes. It sometimes seems like everything is constantly in motion. I think this is one of the best reasons to do it every so often, especially for people like me. Sometimes I can just get very stationary in life, not doing much or making much progress in any direction. Moving does not allow for that option. I feel like I've learned so many things and in so doing gotten out of my own little world and into the real world at large to a much greater extent. It's a wonderful, beautiful place to explore-- it makes me feel small, and that's a good thing. It breaks the illusion that I am a big deal in a small world that I orchestrate to orbit myself. Instead, I'm just a little man in a huge world that revolves around God's never-failing plan. And that, my friends, is a comforting thought.
Another big thing that moves when you move is emotion. It's a good thing that God started helping me learn to deal with my emotions before I started this process, because I had no idea that I could feel so many wildly different things in such a short space of time. I have felt overwhelmed, exhilarated, afraid, happy, sad, peaceful, lonely, joyful, confident and any number of other things that I don't know how to name, sometimes all at once or in rapid-fire succession, sometimes at longer stretches. I say stretches because that what it's doing to me in a big way-- it forces me to go to God, feel what I'm feeling, and bring it to him for help. The only other option would be implosion, I think. Another good reason for moving: anything that brings our constant desperate need for God into such sharp focus has to be a good thing. He always comes through when he has to, and being closer to him is the end goal of life anyway...
Moving has really highlighted the value of relationships for me as well. The people I care about mean more to me than ever now that I have my own house to welcome them into. That being said, if I just stay in my house and retreat into myself, those relationships will suffer-- they need investment and time. I mean, it helps if you have a wonderful, like-minded brother to move in with you, but even (or especially?) that kind of relationship is not self-sustaining. It needs care and time to achieve the constant growth necessary for health... but it's worth it. I would argue that relationship (i.e. friendship, love, community and real connection) is one of the biggest things worth striving for in all the world. If you count relationship with God, then it definitely IS the most important.
And of course, moving teaches many more mundane or practical lessons as well. For example, it is a better idea to wait for your roommate to help you move large furniture up two flights of stairs than to do it yourself because you just want to be finished with the task. Similarly, it is a good idea to bring a quarter to Aldi when you go there and get a cart, rather than trying to hold your whole trip in one big box that was lying around. On a related note, Marc's doesn't take Visa cards (or any other kind except Discover, it turns out). What?!?! Who knew? And who knew how expensive most of the things I really like to eat are? And who knew that garbage disposal and recycling require a six-page manual? Paying bills, repairing locks, cooking food... man, I'm starting to feel like a freaking adult.
And it's all exactly where I'm supposed to be.
This may seem self-evident, but one of the biggest things about moving is all the movement it causes. It sometimes seems like everything is constantly in motion. I think this is one of the best reasons to do it every so often, especially for people like me. Sometimes I can just get very stationary in life, not doing much or making much progress in any direction. Moving does not allow for that option. I feel like I've learned so many things and in so doing gotten out of my own little world and into the real world at large to a much greater extent. It's a wonderful, beautiful place to explore-- it makes me feel small, and that's a good thing. It breaks the illusion that I am a big deal in a small world that I orchestrate to orbit myself. Instead, I'm just a little man in a huge world that revolves around God's never-failing plan. And that, my friends, is a comforting thought.
Another big thing that moves when you move is emotion. It's a good thing that God started helping me learn to deal with my emotions before I started this process, because I had no idea that I could feel so many wildly different things in such a short space of time. I have felt overwhelmed, exhilarated, afraid, happy, sad, peaceful, lonely, joyful, confident and any number of other things that I don't know how to name, sometimes all at once or in rapid-fire succession, sometimes at longer stretches. I say stretches because that what it's doing to me in a big way-- it forces me to go to God, feel what I'm feeling, and bring it to him for help. The only other option would be implosion, I think. Another good reason for moving: anything that brings our constant desperate need for God into such sharp focus has to be a good thing. He always comes through when he has to, and being closer to him is the end goal of life anyway...
Moving has really highlighted the value of relationships for me as well. The people I care about mean more to me than ever now that I have my own house to welcome them into. That being said, if I just stay in my house and retreat into myself, those relationships will suffer-- they need investment and time. I mean, it helps if you have a wonderful, like-minded brother to move in with you, but even (or especially?) that kind of relationship is not self-sustaining. It needs care and time to achieve the constant growth necessary for health... but it's worth it. I would argue that relationship (i.e. friendship, love, community and real connection) is one of the biggest things worth striving for in all the world. If you count relationship with God, then it definitely IS the most important.
And of course, moving teaches many more mundane or practical lessons as well. For example, it is a better idea to wait for your roommate to help you move large furniture up two flights of stairs than to do it yourself because you just want to be finished with the task. Similarly, it is a good idea to bring a quarter to Aldi when you go there and get a cart, rather than trying to hold your whole trip in one big box that was lying around. On a related note, Marc's doesn't take Visa cards (or any other kind except Discover, it turns out). What?!?! Who knew? And who knew how expensive most of the things I really like to eat are? And who knew that garbage disposal and recycling require a six-page manual? Paying bills, repairing locks, cooking food... man, I'm starting to feel like a freaking adult.
And it's all exactly where I'm supposed to be.
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