You see, over the years, I have located a lot of amusing, random and even positively worthwhile (although representatives of this last category are much fewer and further between) content on the monstrous website we all know as Youtube. Every now and again, I'll go to make a joke or a reference to one of these videos I like, but then no one has ever seen it and my joke just falls flat. Or even worse, I'm laughing and no one else is--they're just standing there awkwardly, perhaps offering a slight polite chuckle, trying to affirm that my sense of humor is valid while knowing that they never plan to watch the video in question (or if they do plan to, that they'll never remember what it is when they go to look for it).
My solution to this problem? If you're thinking "stop making jokes based on obscure time-wasting internet videos?" I have to commend your logic, but perhaps you don't know me very well. No, I had a much more comprehensive solution in mind: Compile a list of every crazy Youtube video that I might possibly want to reference or joke about, then post it on my blog so that
Yeah, it sounds kind of dumb when I write it all out like that--which brings me to my point, really. One of the benefits of writing things down is that it helps you clarify what's important and worthwhile. Another benefit is that if you write down the good things you learn, they can help convict you and get you back on track later when you're about to do or say or post something stupid.
In my case, I had just written at length about how we're going to die and we don't know when, so we might as well use our time for things that actually matter. I was seriously about to directly follow that post (see below) with a giant list of Youtube videos. Just think about that for a second. To use the internet term, *facepalm*.
As some of you may know, I have just a bit of an addictive personality. It's a strange combination of being very easy to amuse, difficult to distract, and able to tune the whole world out and focus on one thing. I tell people I can't have ADD-- no way I have a deficit of attention, I have a surplus. It may be a disorder though... anyway, suffice it to say that almost anything can get my attention and hold it for longer than most people would imagine, sometimes even at the expense of eating, sleeping, conversing or other necessary life functions.
So imagine what Youtube does to me.
I can't even begin to tell you how much of my life has been flushed down that drain. I'm really not sure why I would want anyone else to experience that. Certainly me seeming funnier is not a good enough reason.
And really, mindless waste of time is one of the best sides of Youtube. There's a whole underworld of darkness and inappropriate content on it as well that they don't advertise, but they know it drives a huge portion of their traffic. You just have to look at what kinds of videos have the most views.
Anyway, I didn't really write this to bash a website. I know Youtube can be used for good things too, like learning how to do things. My church's worship team uses it to help teach people new songs because pretty much every song in the world is posted on it somewhere (most illegally of course, but that's a topic for a different blog). As with almost all our greatest human inventions, though, our greatest blessings become our greatest curses too. After all, pretty much any problem or benefit you can point out with Youtube also applies to the Internet at large. Clearly, the issue here is not Youtube.
The issue is me.
More specifically, will I say yes to God's will even when it means laying down my plans or frivolous enjoyments? (both of which are perfectly illustrated by my Youtube list/plan) Underneath that, one level further down, will I trust that God's plan for my life will be the best, most fulfilling one in the end?
By not posting my list, I'm saying I will.
It's interesting too that as I am willing to submit myself in this way, God is giving me new ways to deny my own will and live for his, some little and some larger. For example on this blog, I took down my poem of the day gadget even though I love poems because some of its content was questionable/depressing. I also took down my movie list because... it reminded me way too much of the Youtube list. I'm not going to lie, some of this can get a little frustrating! Sometimes I can get all like, "really? you're not letting me have this? Now my blog sidebar won't be nearly long enough to line up with my posts!" or some other such ridiculous thing. My order and my plans get challenged by his order and his plans (by the way, when I say not letting me, I refer not to a physical prohibition but to the way my peace of mind and spirit start to evaporate when I consider doing said thing). Even if it's a bigger thing (like fasting, for example, which seems huge to me at least) the peace that comes from listening to that still small voice is worth whatever I have to give up.
One step further: I believe it's the only way for me to grow into the things I need to become in this season of my life (and live in the way I suggested in my last blog). I don't have to figure myself or my life out! I'm thankful for that-- I don't know which one of the two would be harder to decipher. What I do have to do is trust enough to slow down, listen to a God who desires to speak, and then say yes.
Not maybe, not later, not yesbut, just yes. After saying yes, then I just have to do the yes. It's no good to be the son who pays lip service but doesn't do anything! Better to be one who says no but then does the yes, actually (see Matthew 21:28-31). I can plan my course, but I want to let God determine my steps (see Proverbs 16:9). It's very simple, but that doesn't mean it's easy. It actually takes God's strength to say yes to God, which is a whole other level of confusing that I don't have time to go into right now because I've been focused on writing this blog at the expense of eating, as I mentioned that I tend to do. I only bring it up to say that it requires we depend on him, not on ourselves.
Trust. Listen. Say Yes. Do Yes. Repeat.
The rest is up to him.
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