Summer thoughts

In my last entry, I mentioned that I haven't been writing much partially because I often feel like I don't have anything to say.  After thinking about it some more, I think the next part of the story is that I don't feel like I have anything to say because I put too much pressure on myself to come up with something profound and world-changing.  I mean, I'd love to be full of amazing insights and witty commentary on the world, and some days maybe I am.  What I'm coming to think is really valuable, though, is just a willingness to be real.

The people I enjoy being with the most are the ones that I know are being genuine with me.  I've been on a journey of learning how to be more real with people myself, and I think part of that is not expecting myself or anyone else to be amazing all the time.  So in that spirit, here are some random thoughts that may or may not shed any light into who I am or any other mysteries of life.

1. People who do amazing things usually are not looking for acceptance.  They live, create, and work for the joy of it, and incredible things just happen.  Acceptance and approval are just side effects.  Unfortunately, what often happens next is that they get hooked on the feeling and then try to do what they used to be doing in order to get approval and popular recognition.  Then they stop doing amazing things.

2. In order for someone to love you, they have to know who you really are.  That means you have to be who you really are, or at least attempt to.  Otherwise, the person being loved is someone that doesn't really exist, a fake self of your own creation.  Actually though, people won't love this fake self that much anyway... it'll be more like admiration, because fake selves tend to have only good points and no weaknesses.  Again, it's essential to be genuine.  You might think you want to be impressive, but you really want to be loved.

3. I catch myself trying to be profound even when I've just said I'm not going to.

4. My motto in life: "Stay away from the drama" (bonus points for people who know what song that comes from).

5. It's pretty hard to beat cool summer nights as far as perfect weather goes.

6. My ranking of the seasons: 1) Winter. I'm always hot all the time, and winter is the one time I can avoid this.  Plus, snow is pretty much my favorite thing ever, as I believe I have rhapsodized about on this blog somewhere.  2) Autumn. It sounds much cooler called by its proper name, and the crispness and coolness in the air is amazing.  3) Summer.  Despite the cool nights (which, awesome though they may be, are rare) and the ability to run around and do crazy stuff outside, the extreme heat brings this one down the list. 4) Spring.  Maybe it's just because we hardly have this one in Cleveland or because its main characteristic seems to be incessant rainfall, but I've never been a fan.

7. My ranking of Starburst colors: 1) Pink, the undisputed king (queen?) of the starbursts. 2) Yellow, the underdog that I always get to eat the most of because no one else likes them that much.  3) Orange, nothing fancy, just orange. 4) Red, because I don't like things that are supposed to taste like cherries.  They don't, and what they do taste like is this cough syrup we used to have when I was little.  I've never been able to get past that.

8. I've always been extremely competitive.  As I've gotten older, though, I've started to realize that the people you're playing with/against are more important than winning (a shocking revelation, no? It took me a long time to figure it out).  I still try to do my best, but that really makes it much less of a big deal when I don't win.

9. I do still beat myself up when I don't feel like I personally did as well as I should have, though.  Not saying this is a good thing, just that the competitiveness isn't all the way gone.

10. One of my very favorite things to do is just sit around and have long conversations about things that really matter.  It's impossible to generate those times, but when they happen it's amazing.  It's totally worth going through the times of superficiality and whatever else it may take to get there.

11. Writing gets a lot more fun the less pressure you put on it.  A deadline is one of the biggest forms of pressure ever invented.

12. I just got texting on my phone this past month.  It's amazing.  I don't really know how I made it so long without having it.  (For those of you who are wondering, this does not mean I'm any more likely to ever get Facebook.  I never had any antipathy toward texting, I just didn't have money to pay for it.  Facebook is a completely different story.)

13. Another thing I love doing in the summer is lying down in front of a fan.  My family will tell you that I do this often, at completely unpredictable times.  These are things you learn to do when you don't have A/C.

14. Fourteen is a really random number of things to list, so I'll stop here.  I also like making abrupt exits.