Another New Beginning

About three and a half years ago, I started this blog as part of my journey into what I called "the real world." Little did I know how long it would take me to get there.

As I look back on the early posts here, I can't help feeling like it was a different person who wrote them.  I guess really it was.  I can hardly believe all that God has led me through in this past season, and the changes in my life have been both internal and external.  My soul and my situation are both so different now.

Not to say there weren't some really good things going on at the time I started all this, but as I look back I see a kid with some big talk and not much substance to back it up with.  In this season, God is calling me into manhood.  Into hard work.  Into courage.  (Things about which college graduate me had so very much to learn!)

God has also been providing me with new opportunities to share my thoughts.  It's become apparent to me that if I don't have any place to express what God is teaching me, I don't know what to do with myself.  That's part of why I started this, really.  I had all these ideas and no forum in which to teach them, and I was pretty much boiling over.  Now I lead a small group and a worship team, and God has finally given me chances to teach in church again after a long break.  I couldn't ask for more opportunity!

Another thing about the time when I started writing on here was just that: the time.  I had all kinds of it.  Much more than I knew what to do with, in fact, and I wasn't really using it well to be honest.  Sadly, those blog posts are one of the only truly productive things I was doing in a large part of that season.  Now I have a full-time job in addition to all the teaching opportunities I was just talking about.  I certainly don't need to try to find ways to pass the time!

Of course, much more could be written about how I'm in a different place now than I was then.  However, another thing God has been teaching me to leave behind is my compulsive desire to say everything I think needs to be said all at once.  With that in mind, here are just two of many things I think are important moving forward from here.

First, God owns everything.  There's already an appalling number of I's in this post and this blog, and there will be a few more before I get done here.  But he owns everything, and the more I realize that, the more I enjoy life.  He just isn't that concerned about my agenda.  I hold on to my freedom and time in self-employment, and he tells me to get a job.  I pray about a girl, and he tells me... to get a job.  Seriously, he knows what to do, and my time and effort belong to him, not me.  If I'll let him use those things as he sees fit, I believe with everything I am that I'll experience the blessing I've tried (and failed) so long to produce on my own.  Not that it's some magic formula-- it's just that where the Spirit of the Lord is there's freedom.  That's the ultimate blessing.

That brings me to my other point.  I've noticed that my life goes better when it's lived with a healthy dose of just not caring so much.  Now, I don't mean to say that life and doing the right thing aren't important.  What I mean is that a great deal of what I've cared about has been misplaced.  I've cared so much about my own safety and what other people think of me, and that has never produced anything but death.  I just don't have the energy to keep caring about that stuff, and I become the person I really am more and more as I let it go.  I end up accidentally walking into the freedom I thought I could find myself but couldn't!  I have life less figured out than I ever thought, and I can only hope that blessing continues.  Figuring everything else out is someone else's job anyway, and guess what? He's already finished it.

These days, I care more than ever what God thinks about me and less about what everyone else does.  The nice thing about that is that what he thinks doesn't change like people's opinions do.  I don't have to manage it.  Nor can I: no matter what I do, God is only looking at me with love and planning me a future filled with hope.  100% love, all the time-- Even when that means he has to discipline me to get something stupid to stop.  It never changes his opinion on me: beloved son, covered by the blood of the beloved Son.

So, that real world thing I was talking about?  I didn't mean getting a grown-up job (although I did do that).  I mean seeing that this is my Father's world, and no matter what happens I have him.  His question to me in this season is the same as to the disciples in the sinking boat in the storm: why are you so afraid?  And as I realize that he will always be there, I start to fear less.  With him there, it will always be ok... and even if it isn't, I still get to go be with him in heaven at the end.

Still, eternal life starts now.  That life is the light of the world, the streetlights' call.  What is eternal life?  That I may know the only true God and Jesus who he sent. I can do that now.  I can let his light shine through me more and more-- another new beginning, every day, every moment, every prayer.

Want to try it?  Want to see what happens?  Well, you won't read about it here.

Come live it with me.

Sports and Worship

Today I'm going to address two subjects. One has been a big part of my life for a long time, but interestingly not a very big part of this blog.  The other has been an even bigger part of my life but not for quite as long, and therefore has been a huge part of this blog since its beginning.  Now, had I come up with a more creative title for this post I could make a dramatic revelation of what these two mystery topics are at this point... but instead I'll just refer you to the top of the post.  They're even in the right order!  How convenient.

To begin with, I want to subdivide the sports category into two parts: being a sports fan (i.e. watching/following sports), and being an athlete (i.e. playing sports).  I'll take on the subject of fandom first.  I got thinking about this because I had the opportunity to go see an Indians game with a collection of very cool people yesterday.  It was a wonderful time (and the home team actually won, a rarity for games I've been to recently) and I feel very thankful to God to have been part of it.

I'm a worship leader at my church (don't worry, this is relevant to the previous paragraph, just hang on), and God has been challenging me to lead a life of worship, not just when I'm on stage or playing my guitar but all the time.  I was struck again at the baseball game how much seeing a live sporting event is like going to a worship service.  I mean, there's singing, clapping, listening, watching... even prayer sometimes.  All the elements are there-- the question in my mind is just: what is being worshiped?

I'm still not sure what I think about this.  I do know I used to be one of the biggest sports fans of anyone I know. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that I followed all the major sports religiously, and I'd go so far as to say that sports were an idol for me.  Even as God has been helping me put things back in the right order, though, I've been wondering what the proper place of sports is.  I think it's easy to use sports as an escape from the real struggles of the real world-- that's what I was doing before.  Part of me wants to say I should just throw it all the way out of my life if it could cause me to sin, but I don't think that kind of legalism is what relationship with God is all about.  Plus, even after God has broken my idol, I still really enjoy watching sports! So what do I make of that?

My current take on it is that I just need to stay in the real world.  I'm not sure I can explain what that means, but I know when I've left reality to live in a false world, whether of sports, video games, or whatever.  I also know that I didn't feel like that after the game yesterday.  I felt like the game was secondary to the fact that we were able to build community, at least for me.  I think it's a good sign that I had at least two conversations that were more interesting to me than the game.  In fact, the game can even help keep things from getting awkward or uncomfortable by removing the pressure to talk about something all the time.  If you pay attention, though, you can have meaningful and important conversations in and around the action in a totally natural way.  Baseball works especially well for this since there are significant stretches where literally nothing happens, but it applies to all sports I think.

See, even for people like me who are pretty serious and intense, it's impossible to have "important" conversation all the time.  I don't think human beings can support it... and I'm coming to realize it wouldn't even be healthy to do so!  We have to prove ourselves to our friends by being present and real in the little things before we have any credibility on the big things.  And sports, it turns out, are just about the easiest and most enjoyable common ground point I can think for making an initial connection with someone.  So if I can stay in the real world (that God rules) and not lose track of what's really important (living a life that honors Him and recognizes his presence), I can not only enjoy a fun game but also honor God by building relational equity and new friendships (and then by thanking him for all of it!).  If I lose track of reality, sports can swallow my life.  Simple as that.

I think the same thing applies to playing sports as well.  I've always loved running around like a crazy person chasing a ball or frisbee or really anything else sports-related-- never met a sport I didn't like.  It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't have it, but there's this innocent joy in just testing what I can do and enjoying what I'm physically capable of.  I never really understood how that related to worship until recently.  I just read, though, about how all of creation worships God its maker.  Let me quote Psalm 19: 1-5--

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge.
There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun,
which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion, like a champion rejoicing to run his course."

How do the heavens have a voice?  How can the sun praise God?  These are inanimate objects we're talking about, remember.  I think they worship God because they do exactly what he designed them to do.  That's why all of creation worships God; we're the only part of it that sometimes chooses not to.  But God's design for us is multifaceted for sure.  Yes, we're designed to worship and praise and love, but God also gave me athletic ability and joy in using it.  Can't I worship him by using that gift with a joyful and thankful heart, following in his design?  If you thinking I'm reaching in making that analogy... well, David made the same one in verse five above!  No, not the bridegroom... that's a whole different kind of worship! I'm talking about the champion. Now, I'm not always a champion by any stretch of the imagination, but I know that feeling of rejoicing to run the course.  I praise God for it.

And that's how sports have become part of my relationship with God.  As we keep the focus on him, all his blessings come into proper focus for us.  The question isn't about making a rule of what's right or how much sports is ok, but about learning to walk with the Lord and submitting to his design, staying present in the reality where he reigns and where he deserves more praise than any sports team.  He loves us and has given us so much, but we can only appreciate the gifts fully when they point to the great giver.  Just like at the end of that same Psalm, what matters is this:

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."

Poetry and Life

Did you know that April is National Poetry Month?  Somehow I didn't until this year, but I spend so much time in libraries now that it's hard not to pick up on these things.  I suppose it makes sense-- the first important poem in (semi-) readable English begins with a reference to April, which was also later called the "cruellest month" by T.S. Eliot in the first line of possibly the most famous (and most overrated) poem of our time.  Anyway, in honor of all that, I'm going to NOT post another one of my poems (and split my infinitives with pride-- poets can do that!).  What I am going to post is a list of good poems by much better poets than myself for you to check out if you're interested.  All of these poems should be easy to find online if you don't want to spend your time hanging out in a library like I do.  As a side note though, I do find that reading a poem out of an actual book seems to be more enjoyable than reading off a screen-- don't know why that is exactly, but try it and you'll see!

Starting at the beginning, I want to talk about a longer poem that I referenced in my last post but I feel is too big to include in a list.  Possibly the best free verse poetry I've ever read is found in The Four Quartets by T.S. Eliot.  Yes, The Waste Land is more famous, but the The Four Quartets is better-- and much more encouraging.  Trust me.  I can't recommend it highly enough; it takes a little bit of effort but it's well worth it.  So start there if you can, but if all you have time for is shorter stuff, here is a brief list of some inspiring shorter poems that should make a great jumping-off point into the wide world of poetry (and if you want a much longer list just let me know and I can easily furnish that as well)!

John Donne-- Holy Sonnet 14 (Batter my heart...)
George Herbert-- Redemption
Andrew Marvell-- The Coronet
William Wordsworth-- Composed upon Westminster Bridge, September 3, 1802
Percy Shelley-- Ozymandias
John Keats-- Ode to a Nightingale
Emily Dickinson-- "Hope is the thing with feathers"
Gerard Manley Hopkins-- "As Kingfishers catch fire"
Robert Frost-- The Road Not Taken
                    -- Two Tramps in Mud Time
Richard Wilbur-- Hamlen Brook
Mark Strand-- Keeping Things Whole


So there you go.  A closing thought: our modern way of life tends to cause us to miss the beautiful in the midst of the mundane.  I think one of the (many) reasons poetry has such value is that it is intrinsically an appreciation of the beauty God has embedded all over the place in this world.  Reading (and writing) poetry helps me remember to look for the beauty of the world... and then I just start seeing it.  To appreciate the beauty that God has made is a way to worship him, and that's why we're here, no?  Also, we are God's poetry (see Ephesians 2:10-- "workmanship" in that verse is the Greek poiema which is the word we get poem from), so we were made to experience the creative and specific design of beauty because it's who we are!   So enjoy the rest of National Poetry Month... and don't stop there.